Cia's (and Ruto's) Rant
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: Cia and Ruto, the ultimate Link stalkers, have a little sisterly bonding time. Meanwhile, the long suffering Volga is forced to listen to their rants. Plot less one shot. OOCness is everywhere. You have been warned.


**So, here we have another plotless one shot. This time it's Hyrule Warriors! A pretty good game, although the story is kind of weak. So, of course everyone is OOC in this. I also just could not resit tormenting Volga; he's awesome and my favourite, which means I must make him suffer! Ha ha ha!**

**Ruto and Cia are both the ultimate Link stalkers. **

**Anyway, Volga, do my disclaimer!**

**Volga: Why?! You have made me so out of character that it's impossible to take me seriously!**

**That's the point.**

**Volga: ...**

**Oh, come one! You know I don't really think of you like that; I'm just making fun of you, is all!**

**Volga: ...I hate you.  
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**W-what? T_T**

**Cia: Oh, I'll do it! Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Hyrule Warriors or the characters. Which is good, because she apparently can't take any of us seriously. **

***sniffles* T-thanks, Cia. Volga, you meanie! Anyway, enjoy and review please! And if anyone wants to flame, feel free! This doesn't feel like one of my best fics, anyway. But I'll use those flames to make fried Cuccos.  
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><p>Cia was sulking. She just couldn't help it. She was admiring her many, many paintings of the Hero, and when she looked at those pictures, she tended to sulk.<p>

Why would that make her sulk? Shouldn't all those paintings of the Hero, her love, make her happy? Well, they did sort of lift her spirits a little, but they also reminded her that she couldn't actually have the real Hero. No. All she got were paintings.

So, who could blame her for sulking?

Seriously, how hard was it to get one guy to notice her? How could he have never noticed her? She was beautiful, charming, amazing, and a powerful sorceress. What was not to like? That Hero should have thrown himself at her feet from the very beginning!

But nooooooo. He had, once again, choose that Princess Zelda! One would think that at least some of the Hero's reincarnations would not go for the Princess. That at least one or two of them would notice Cia. But, alas, it was not meant to be, and poor Cia was once again deprived of her love.

It was so annoying. So very, very annoying. In fact, it was so annoying that Cia found herself in a thoroughly bad mood (which was pretty common these days) and ready to rant. However, she was not about to rant when she was all alone. She needed someone to rant to.

And that someone was Volga.

Whenever Cia needed to let off some steam, she would always yell at Volga. It made her feel better. Sure, there were other underlings to rant to. Like Wizzro, Ghirahim, or Zant. But Wizzro was indifferent to Cia's complaints, which was no fun. She wanted someone who would hate her rants so much, that they'd come to dread them, even though they had no choice but to listen. Sadly, ranting didn't seem to bother Wizzro that much, so he was out of the question. Ghirahim did get annoyed with the rants, but he tended to start ranting right back, which was also no fun. Cia needed a victim to listen to her, not engage in a debate. Besides, Ghirahim's ego didn't help matters, either. And Zant… well Zant was Zant. Cia really didn't feel like having to deal with his tantrums while she ranted.

Which left Volga. He hated her rants, and while he complained a lot about her rants, he wasn't nearly as annoying as Ghirahim. And he didn't throw tantrums. Which made him the perfect target.

So now all Cia had to do was summon Volga, and she could rant away. Sure, Volga might be in the middle of a battle (Cia wasn't sure, she didn't really bother to keep track where everyone was. She had better things to do) and if he were, getting distracted might get him injured, but who cared? He'd get over it.

Unfortunately, when Cia unceremoniously poofed Volga out from wherever the heck he had been, she hadn't expected for someone else to be with him. And that someone was the Zora girl that had joined (grrrrrrr!) Princess Zelda!

"What the-?! What is she doing here?! And why haven't you killed her?!" Cia demanded.

"I was about to! But then you had to go and interrupt me!" Volga snapped.

"Why would anyone want to kill me?" the Zora girl complained. "I haven't done anything wrong! Besides, I'm just like you!"

Cia stared at her. "How are you like me?"

"It should be obvious!" Ruto said. She gestured dramatically at all the Link paintings. "I, like you, am in love with Link! But he chose Zelda over me! Just like you! We're practically sisters!"

"…that makes no sense," Volga muttered.

Cia, however, stared at Ruto in complete understanding.

**. . .**

"…and so, even though I had watched over the Triforce for so long, and always, always loved Link, he never noticed me! He always chose that Princess!" Cia wailed.

Her new friend nodded vigorously. "I know what you mean! Even though we were engaged as children, and I patiently waited for him for 7 years, he went and chased after that Zelda!"

"GAH! That Princess! Stealing our Link!" Cia viciously whacked the floor with her staff, imagining it was Zelda.

"The NERVE of her!" Ruto agreed.

Cia suddenly grew suspicious. "Wait… you aren't going after MY Link, are you?"

"Which one is your Link?"

"The current one. I'm not about to go into the past to find one of his reincarnations."

"No, I just want the Hero of Time one. The one in my time."

Cia was relieved. "Oh! Well, that's all right then! We can both have a Link!"

That was when Cia suddenly realized Volga was no longer there. When had he left?! And why had he left?! Just because she had a new friend who understood her didn't mean that she didn't want to rant to Volga! She _liked_ ranting to Volga; it was fun! And she bet Ruto would enjoy it too!

So, of course, she summoned him again. She knew he wouldn't expect it, because there were usually long intervals in between rants (not to mention he probably thought she'd be happy ranting along with Ruto). She just loved randomly snatching him away from whatever he was doing. It was even better when she managed to startle him. He needed to be startled once in a while; it was character building.

Sadly, he wasn't startled this time. Just majorly ticked off.

"WHAT NOW?! DIDN'T YOU JUST DO THIS?!" he yelled.  
>"We aren't done ranting! And you are supposed to listen to me when I rant!" Cia huffed.<p>

"And me!" Ruto piped up.

Volga glared at the Zora. "I don't have to listen to you. I don't work for you."

Cia glared at Volga. "You have to listen to her as well."

Volga huffed. Ruto smirked.

~Meanwhile, with the Hero and his allies~

"So… has anyone seen Ruto?" Lana asked.

No one had.

"Eh, she'll show up at one point," Midna said.

Proxi helpfully added, "Hey! Listen!"

Link shivered at the mention of the Zora. For some reason, ever since he'd met her, she'd been going after him about them being 'engaged'. It was creepy, as creepy as that Cia stalking him, and although Ruto was technically 'engaged' to the Hero of Time, she'd made it clear that until she got back to her own time, she'd settle for the current Link.

Zelda, meanwhile, secretly hoped Ruto would not show up. She did not need some other female going after _her_ Link.

~Back with Cia~

"…I mean, he promised me! What does he see in that Zelda anyway? Why, he should have never taken the Zora's Sapphire if he weren't going to be serious about our engagement!" Ruto cried.

"I remember observing him!" Cia huffed. "He did seem like the type to break promises. And this current Link, well, he really has no reason to love Zelda! He barely knows her!"

"It's so unfair!" Ruto whined.

Volga, who was cornered by the two, was tempted to remark that the current Link barely knew Cia. And that all the other Links had never even known about her. But he didn't really have much of a chance to say anything, what with the two women complaining at the speed of light.

Volga sighed to himself. What _had_ he done to deserve this?

Meanwhile, two other villains secretly observed the complaint session and the cornered Volga.

Zant snickered. "I love this entertainment."

Ghirahim smirked. "I hope they rant for a long time."


End file.
